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Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts

Wednesday, 26 February 2020

Where to from here?

I won't lie, I've been feeling a bit lost. There have been several changes in my life, vast majority of them great. But with change comes some instability, I guess. Readjusting to, playing around with, getting used to, and seeing the ripple effects of change.

In a yoga practice (and in life) you want change. That's what we strive for. Without change we'd be stagnant, stuck, with no growth. Change is something that we'd usually celebrate. Being able to hold a handstand when you were never previously able to, for example, would be a fantastic feeling! ("would be", because I still haven't gotten that right yet. Ugh.)

On the flip side though, not being able to do a back bend anymore when that was one of your best poses is also change, but more a change that needs to be dealt with and accepted (been there, done that). It can be seen as a 'negative' change. Or you could choose to see the lesson in it.

So where is the lesson in this instability and fear that I'm feeling? But also, why am I struggling with it when the changes themselves were so positive?

Staying grateful for the positivity is definitely something that I needed to learn (as is each little bit of progress on my handstand). Trusting that the change will lead to better things (and that it's not just the change itself that was good) requires a leap of faith. It also requires persistent effort to making the best of each new thing that arises. So, I guess I'm saying that I need to listen and look out for the positive more? Just keep on keeping on. Keep practicing. Keep doing the yoga.

So, with one foot in front of the other, slowly and steadily, I keep moving. Perhaps this week I'll teach more flow, to just keep going, quietly and mindfully.

Or something like that.


Almost sorta' got it... I mean, I can get up there, against a wall, but I'm still way off from actually holding it away from the wall...
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Wednesday, 11 December 2019

It’s back. And wrists and ankles and hips.

I had a period of about three months where my pain was all but gone. It happened after a break up that seems had been perpetuating issues and patterns from my childhood. He’s not a bad guy, he just wasn’t great for me. Or, he was, in terms of how much I learned about myself while we were together. I digress.

My body seems prone to side effects of medications, and I’ve had some of those get worse over the course of this year. Since my pain had started dissipating and stressors had changed, the doc and I made a change to my meds. Aaaand the pain started coming back. I now seem to have tendonitis in my wrists, ankles, knees and hips, and from today, in my SIJ. The link with the medication is my (and my physio’s) guess. It may also be because I haven’t been using the same cannabis treatment. I’ll keep you posted. It may be in five months time when the blog urge peaks again, or it may be in four weeks time once I’ve, a) Started on CBD tablets again, and, b) Gone back onto old meds if the CBD doesn’t help.

In the meantime, I’m staying positive, because CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy - read here) does have its place, and because I’ve attained two new clients who are/ have been going through the same autoimmune/ chronic pain ordeal that I slogged through, and I cannot tell you what a massive difference it makes to have people around you who understand. Me for them, but so much them for me, too. If you guys are reading this, thank you :)

Fibromyalgia Treatment (2)
JUST FOUND THIS AMAZING ARTICLE ON FIBROMYALGIA!! And it has a cool picture, too.

Also this picture from here about fibromyalgia. It isn't just one thing.
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New concepts

So, turned out that LETTING GO of some of the 'baggage' that I was holding on to actually had a massive impact on my pain levels. A LOT of therapy had gotten me to start realising and dealing with childhood stuff, and then some alternative healing sessions got me to a space of actually letting go of said issues, and then my pain all but vanished. For a while (but more on that here).Image result for yoga quotes
(update to New words)

So, turned out that LETTING GO of some of the ‘baggage’ that I was holding on to actually had a massive impact on my pain levels. A LOT of therapy had gotten me to start realising and dealing with childhood stuff, and then some alternative healing sessions got me to a space of actually letting go of said issues, and then my pain all but vanished. For a while (but more on that here).

Insert new word:



Well, not new, really. Just a very necessary clarification.

Psychosomatic means that there is a link between mind and body (I love my ‘business’s’ name), but it doesn’t mean that any pain experienced as a result of stress is in the person’s head. It is, in the sense that all pain is an interpretation of stimuli by the brain, but it isn’t in the sense of being ‘made up’. I struggled with that for YEARS. I had specialists (the ones who charge R1600 for half an hour ‘consultations’) tell me to go to therapy for my lower back pain. Yes, CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) has its place in pain management, especially in learning to cope with chronic pain, but it isn’t going to heal your pain, because the pain isn’t all in your head, it isn’t made up. And only if you’ve been in that situation would you understand how frustrating and infuriating it is to be told that. And to have to pay that much to be told that crap.



This can all sound contradictory, I know. And it took me a long time (about four years from the first real ‘sign’) to admit and acknowledge just how strong the link between mind (in this case mainly chronic stress) and body (chronic lower back pain) is. It seems that having dealt with past stress and having let go of situations that were perpetuating that helped my brain let go of the overwhelming pain stimuli. I still have degeneration in my lumbar spine. I still have arthritis in several joints. The autoimmune stuff is still there. Stress had a physical effect on my body. The physical effects were triggered by psychological issues, but I have not made up the pain, I did not consciously decide or choose to be in pain, and I cannot just ‘let it go’ or ‘get over it’.

*deep breath*

Years of CBT has helped me get up in the mornings, and years of psychotherapy has gotten me to a point where I can acknowledge and let go of shit. And that has helped me to retrain my brain to not over react to pain stimuli. It took YEARS of work. As for the psychosomatic side, stress caused physical harm to my body*.

So if you come across someone who’s experiencing chronic pain, be nice to them, k? Thanks.



*derived from a process of elimination, with no other possible explanation besides, perhaps, an unknown/ undiagnosed autoimmune disease (most of which are still impossible to diagnose properly, and the etiology of which is vastly unknown


Image result for yoga quotes
Dunno who said this initially, but it rings too true
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